Failure

I’ve always heard that the biggest failure is not attempting at all. I have tried and failed at so many things I can’t even keep count. I am coming to realize that I keep doing this to myself on a constant basis. Weight loss, education, religion, and relationships.

My biggest down fall right now has got to be getting into shape and getting my GED. I have started and stopped both of these so many times it is ridiculous. Monday was my first day trying to get back into my workout routine. I swear I wish I had someone to shake the crap out of me and say “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING”! I have zero self confidence because of my weight. I need to lose at least 30 lbs. I know I can do it but I think my main issue is my diet. I dont really diet only because I know for a fact that I will fail. I am very choosy of my choices though. My husband doesnt like to eat healthy really so when I do the grocery shopping I always try and buy things that are healthy bt still taste great. Im actually pretty good at doing this but then theres the little sweet snacks that I get for all of us. Those are my weakness. I’m the type that if I dont have it I wont eat it but if its in the house I will. Its like I tell myself the quicker I make them disappear the faster I can get on track. SOOOO pathetic right! Recently I’ve done a lot of research on sugar and its addiction. I definitely have a sugar addiction. The funny part is is that I dont hardly eat anything with sugar. If I do its always something small, but that’s the thing sugar is just so incredibly bad for you whether your trying to lose weight or not. I wish I could find something that I could eat to make my brain believe that i’m satisfying my sugar craving without actually eating sugar.

I know a lot of people sit and say, ” oh just have a piece of fruit”, well I’ve tried that so many times but it doesnt help one bit. I do not like artificial sweeteners and will not use them. They are just as bad if not worse for you. I absolutely love fresh fruits and veggies but they still dont take care of that sugar craving. Its actually kind of embarrassing ┬áto admit that I have a sugar addiction but its the truth. It could be worse I guess but, I still dont like that something has a hold over me like this. Everytime I start to do good and eat really healthy no junk what so ever, I fail miserably. Weekends are extremely hard for me especially since my husband is home and he usually goes out to get us all lunch. I try not to tell him when I’ve started over one because when I fail I dont want him to know and two because he makes it very hard for me to stay on track. Yes I know its not his job to make sure that I do but some help would be nice.

I’m sure most of you will say that I just lack determination, and self control which is true to an extent. I can’t blame anyone but myself for my failures. Its up to me to push through and move forward in the right direction. I really wish that I had a nutritionist or someone to lay this stuff out in layman’s terms so I know exactly what I can and cannot eat. I know healthy eating is 80% of weight loss but when you dont know exactly what truly is healthy and what isnt its like a never ending roller coaster. Just wish this process could be somewhat easier so maybe just once I dont fail and I can actually start to get real results!

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Moods

So I will start out with mood swings are a total pain in the ass!

Unfortunately my moods seem to affect everyone around me no matter how hard I try not to let it effect anyone else. One moment i’m good and happy and even cheerful, the next I just wanna punch someone in the face,(I would never do that). I’ve been having a really hard time the past few days and of course I have no idea what causes it.

Could it be, being a stay at home mom, with an extremely hyper and stubborn boy?? Yes I know alot of other stay at home moms have it much harder than I do but regardless of how many kids you have being a stay at home mom is difficult sometimes. I am blessed to be with my little man but I NEVER get a break. He has just been so incredibly difficult, argumentative and down right disrespectful which is simply not allowed period. Its funny because he is such a sweet heart most of the time. He just really likes to push me and see how far he can go.

I know that as the adult it is my job to control my own mood and I shouldnt allow a 3 yr ld to get to me but you show me any mom who hasnt been pushed alittle too far one to many times and I’d like to congratulate her, shes a much better mother than myself. Please dont get me wrong my son is my world but sometimes everyday things can be such a struggle.

So could be that my moods are always fluctuating because I allow my little one to get to many when I just need to step back and take a breath? It makes me feel awful because my husband is usually the one who gets the brunt of these mood swings. He doesnt understand at all, but as I always say, “you arent with him 24/7”, Its not right for me to say that since he works so incredibly hard everyday to provide for us. I think eventually he might get upset;)

So how do I keep that happy place? How do I keep a 3 yr old from bringing down? Questions that seem so ridiculous but the truth is, is that its a reality. When I feel this way I distance myself from everyone! Only because I dont want my loved ones to get caught in the cross fire on accident.